so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
