The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
