so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
