Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize