Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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