bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
so let's talk penis.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
