pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
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