Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
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