...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
