just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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