I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize