if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
