My sheets look like a crime scene.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
