Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
