you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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