There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I looked at my own cervix.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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