we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
