I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Boobs speak an international language.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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