It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
