Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
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