I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Randomize
