Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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