Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
