oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
