i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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