is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
