this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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