I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
