You made me cry and you don't even care
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
