i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
