just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
