everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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