I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
