Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
