You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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