How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
