I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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