I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize