I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
