What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
