My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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