I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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