I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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