ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just cut my nipple shaving
You can't motorboat a personality
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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