Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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