So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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