He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize