this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
