I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
