i always forget guys have bellybuttons
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
