Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
This is my gift to your gina
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
