im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
The feeling are messing with the penis
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Enjoy the penises
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
