I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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