That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
