I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
