Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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