You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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