Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
