a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
