The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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