We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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