I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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