how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
ugly people sure do ruin things
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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