He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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