Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
