I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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