Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
