but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize