There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
