my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
