We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
