Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
