It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
