Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
