Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
you win again, gameday.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
