The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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