Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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