just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
