she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Acid is not a monday night drug
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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