I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
im six kinds of drunk right now
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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