I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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