As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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